His brown eyes looked down on mine as we waited for the subway to arrive.

As I leaned in closer hoping he’d kiss me so he’d have to drink that night. But hoping at the same time that he’d kiss me just to kiss me because he’d forgotten the rules because I mattered that much to him.

And it was at that moment that I knew if the, “one,” existed. He was my, “the one.”

Moments before my friend David created a drinking game for us to play. Each of us had something we couldn’t do.

“Who ever does this has to buy themselves a shot. So Riko can’t say, “My belly is so big or my outfit isn’t cute.” if she does, she has to take a shot.” David said.

“So then you can’t speak in your Boston accent or say “Wicked.” I followed.

“What about David.” David my friend said in reference to my boyfriend, also named David.

“I know.” I said.

“He can’t kiss me or hold my hand tonight.”

David my boyfriend hesitated. Switched from having his head on his hand to standing straight. Raised one of his eyebrows at me.

“So I can’t kiss you or hold your hand all night?” He asked.

My friend David and I both nodded in agreement.

My boyfriend rolled his eyes.  Then turned his head to the left and back. but in the end agreed.

Now here we were thirty later minutes waiting for another subway. Thirty minutes too long since our last kiss.

I looked at him. Watched as his eyes looked into mine knowing just how badly his lips wanted to press on to mine. Heartbroken as the subway approached and he backed away.

My heart dropped for a second as I wondered, “What if he could never kiss me again?”

And it was at that moment that I knew.

That if the, “one,” existed then he was the one I’d been avoiding and yet hoping for all at the same time. The way he patiently put up with me as I pushed and shoved him out the door. Poured gasoline on our relationship and lit it on fire and yet he stayed.

Fussing over the past as if it mattered. Knowing deep down all I wanted to do was throw a fit to make him run out the door. Because I’ve always been too much.

But to him, I was always just enough.


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