Once again I lay in bed struggling to arise to the sound of my alarm clock. 

For four years I searched for love the way a blind cat rubs itself against every object looking for someone to show it affection. 

And I’ve finally found it.

I was goofing around the other day and so I changed his Facebook status to, “married.”

So he approached me and said, “Let’s do it, let’s get married.”

Sometimes I look at him and I think, “this man could possibly be my husband one day.”

Other times I think, “am I doing it for the same reasons again.”

But then I hear the advice that he gives other married men and I think to myself, “this is the man that I want to marry.” 

He tells them, “cherish your wife. Listen to what she has to say. Her worries are not just small things to be brushed off other wise she wouldn’t bring them up.”

And I know this man, I want to marry him some day.

But I think about my finances how in the next few months I’ll struggle to survive and pay my bills. And I think I’m doing it again. Marrying a man for financial security and I think, “I just can’t do it.”

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